A couple of months ago, when my sister asked if I wanted to go Genting for a holiday and I said No. But now I just can wait, because after one week of stress-packed schedule, all you wanna do is to travel up to the highlands and grab some fresh air. Stress-free.
He msn-ed earlier. It is always at these unexpected times that it feels really good. Finally he thinks that army life isnt that great after all. Haiz. Hope he survives through. And as for me, it is never about 'should I wait?', why do we even have to ponder about this? I mean, if you cant put him down, then just continue on. Act how your heart feels.
Omg. Played Mahjong the whole night through. I kept having small wins which I initially thought was quite save, but my sis won a big one and swept all my winnings away. =.= Wells, it was fun.
Life is okay as it is right now, despite the occasional emo thoughts, I guess I'm a happier person.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Zonked Out.
Ta da! I am still alive after 1 week of torture! How cool is that?! School has reopened and now we're in term 3, some mugging, me struggling.. =(
Monday:
A new timetable! Yes, now we can go home earlier which is a good thing because lectures are really not useful to me. Math was the first lesson and it was a demoralizing one because I realised that I couldnt do any of the questions (not that its surprising or anything) and having Junkai by your side, smirking at the fact that his 300 bucks tuition paid off is not exactly comforting. The day went on with someone who kept rattling on that I should buck up, which isnt a good way to start your school with. SO with experience, I recommend that one should start school isolating yourself. =)
Went starbucks Holland with the girls to study for our history test the next day. It started off being very productive because we have Linda around to go through with us the whole of China's economy with her exaggerated hand gestures. Lols. Went provence to get some bread and some of the girls left leaving me, Linda, SzeYing and Lengs, chatting away. We talked about alot of stuff, mainly revolving around friendships and I realised that I wasnt the only one without a 'best friend' and I wasnt the only one with failed friendships. I know its really silly to talk about this when there is a freaking heavy history test the next day, but it was seriously worth it, yet only to those who treasure friends more than anything else. I think its becoming a habit now, that we're grouping together going out as a clique to study, cause thats what its all about, enjoying the good times, enduring the bad times. We left at ard 10 and by then, I had alot of thoughts running through my mind. I'm sorry people, I'm just too afraid to voice out. =)
Tuesday:
I cant really remember tuesday. Just that we had history test and I didnt do well cause I wrote only 1 page for source based and I spotted china but japan came out. Zzz.. But its okay, we're not tested on spotting skills and its not like we can afford to spot for A lvls anyway. =S
Wednesday:
Went to westmall mac with the girls. Super not productive! Left after reading a few pages. Horrible. Didnt study when I got home. Horrible. horrible. Rot and Die.
Thursday:
Cant do math again. Zzz Yes I got that 'talk' again. Was abit pissed because I dont understand econs and I'm starting to hate closet muggers with the intention to harm others. Closet muggers are the worst things on earth. Singapore is full of closet muggers because of the increasing competition in the society. They are selfish and full of SH*T. Lols.. The whole day was full of crapping and basically making a fool out of myself.
Friday:
Very short day today. Had civics in the morning whereby we were given a prep talk. I look at all those courses and requirements. Yes, I got the 'talk' once again. I was wondering what course to take, but I really dont know. So I guess the best way is to wait for my results, then decide. Had econs, was abit better than yesterday. Went to Tanglin. Not bad quite cool. Its just very different. Went over to Isetan. They were having the hokkaido fair! Bought a 2 dollars rice cake with red bean. Sounds nice, looks nice, taste weird.. 0.0 Its too hard. but the red bean was ok. =)
Brought stiky to school today! He managed to capture lots of attention and brightened up my day too! =)
Starting to miss him alr, although its barely a mth since he left. Wished I could just get a goodnight msg. But who am I kidding. Ha..
I like to listen to stories, memories, and problems, because for awhile, I forget my own..
Monday:
A new timetable! Yes, now we can go home earlier which is a good thing because lectures are really not useful to me. Math was the first lesson and it was a demoralizing one because I realised that I couldnt do any of the questions (not that its surprising or anything) and having Junkai by your side, smirking at the fact that his 300 bucks tuition paid off is not exactly comforting. The day went on with someone who kept rattling on that I should buck up, which isnt a good way to start your school with. SO with experience, I recommend that one should start school isolating yourself. =)
Went starbucks Holland with the girls to study for our history test the next day. It started off being very productive because we have Linda around to go through with us the whole of China's economy with her exaggerated hand gestures. Lols. Went provence to get some bread and some of the girls left leaving me, Linda, SzeYing and Lengs, chatting away. We talked about alot of stuff, mainly revolving around friendships and I realised that I wasnt the only one without a 'best friend' and I wasnt the only one with failed friendships. I know its really silly to talk about this when there is a freaking heavy history test the next day, but it was seriously worth it, yet only to those who treasure friends more than anything else. I think its becoming a habit now, that we're grouping together going out as a clique to study, cause thats what its all about, enjoying the good times, enduring the bad times. We left at ard 10 and by then, I had alot of thoughts running through my mind. I'm sorry people, I'm just too afraid to voice out. =)
Tuesday:
I cant really remember tuesday. Just that we had history test and I didnt do well cause I wrote only 1 page for source based and I spotted china but japan came out. Zzz.. But its okay, we're not tested on spotting skills and its not like we can afford to spot for A lvls anyway. =S
Wednesday:
Went to westmall mac with the girls. Super not productive! Left after reading a few pages. Horrible. Didnt study when I got home. Horrible. horrible. Rot and Die.
Thursday:
Cant do math again. Zzz Yes I got that 'talk' again. Was abit pissed because I dont understand econs and I'm starting to hate closet muggers with the intention to harm others. Closet muggers are the worst things on earth. Singapore is full of closet muggers because of the increasing competition in the society. They are selfish and full of SH*T. Lols.. The whole day was full of crapping and basically making a fool out of myself.
Friday:
Very short day today. Had civics in the morning whereby we were given a prep talk. I look at all those courses and requirements. Yes, I got the 'talk' once again. I was wondering what course to take, but I really dont know. So I guess the best way is to wait for my results, then decide. Had econs, was abit better than yesterday. Went to Tanglin. Not bad quite cool. Its just very different. Went over to Isetan. They were having the hokkaido fair! Bought a 2 dollars rice cake with red bean. Sounds nice, looks nice, taste weird.. 0.0 Its too hard. but the red bean was ok. =)
Brought stiky to school today! He managed to capture lots of attention and brightened up my day too! =)
Starting to miss him alr, although its barely a mth since he left. Wished I could just get a goodnight msg. But who am I kidding. Ha..
I like to listen to stories, memories, and problems, because for awhile, I forget my own..
Friday, June 20, 2008
Goodbye Holidays~~
Goodbye holidays~~ I'll miss you.. Seriously.. Haiz! No more watching shows, no more waking up late, no more slacking at home. School is starting again. 6 more months to go before its finally over. We should treasure whatever school time we have left.... NO! I still dread going to school! I want my holidays!
I must take this time to watch watch watch all I can.. Muo Fan Bag Bang Tang here I come! Omg omg.. this show is making me laugh my heart out! A good laugh is really good for the soul.. YuppS!!! Everyone should watch! Haha! I think my dad thinks I'm too stressed up, laughing like a dork in front of the computer screen. Haha..
okay cant think of anything else to blog. Going back to watch my show! Woo hoo!!
I must take this time to watch watch watch all I can.. Muo Fan Bag Bang Tang here I come! Omg omg.. this show is making me laugh my heart out! A good laugh is really good for the soul.. YuppS!!! Everyone should watch! Haha! I think my dad thinks I'm too stressed up, laughing like a dork in front of the computer screen. Haha..
okay cant think of anything else to blog. Going back to watch my show! Woo hoo!!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Missing angels
Have you ever regretted, seriously regretted, losing a very good friend due to a moment of anger and stupidity? Welcome to the club.
I was scrolling down my msn list and right there was my 'used to be' good friend Adnan. The times spent were special because he was probably the only malay I was really good with. Not that I'm a racist or anything, but you know being 'chinesy' chinese , there arent alot of things to share especially music, entertainment and stuff. But,.. But the good thing was, he was very interested, or so he seems, in the chinese culture, and like some people may argue, this idea of unfamiliarity actually makes the friendship more interesting. He was a very good friend who accompanied me whenever I'm alone (which is like, most of the times) and like 'brother' he was the spontaneous kind(although he lost to brother by a bit), so he is very easy to call out and talk to. He also has a very good sense of humour (better than mine, but only a little), very funny.
So there was this small misunderstanding before our secondary school gathering before Ghim Moh collapsed, which I didnt turn up. I remember that there was a few days in which I totally ignored him until he finally gave up. As time passed, we never made up and just drifted apart as miraculously as how we first became good friends.
And that is how I lost an angel.. Haha....
Whahahaha... Die. never study today again! Bought this new channel [Asia Plus]. They have [Kai Yun Wan Shi Tong], some Taiwan show that talks about star signs and other stuff. Cool man.
By the way, ya, Sex and the City is a really good show, do not be misled by the title, it is not just a 'shallow' plot with explicit contents. :)
I was scrolling down my msn list and right there was my 'used to be' good friend Adnan. The times spent were special because he was probably the only malay I was really good with. Not that I'm a racist or anything, but you know being 'chinesy' chinese , there arent alot of things to share especially music, entertainment and stuff. But,.. But the good thing was, he was very interested, or so he seems, in the chinese culture, and like some people may argue, this idea of unfamiliarity actually makes the friendship more interesting. He was a very good friend who accompanied me whenever I'm alone (which is like, most of the times) and like 'brother' he was the spontaneous kind(although he lost to brother by a bit), so he is very easy to call out and talk to. He also has a very good sense of humour (better than mine, but only a little), very funny.
So there was this small misunderstanding before our secondary school gathering before Ghim Moh collapsed, which I didnt turn up. I remember that there was a few days in which I totally ignored him until he finally gave up. As time passed, we never made up and just drifted apart as miraculously as how we first became good friends.
And that is how I lost an angel.. Haha....
Whahahaha... Die. never study today again! Bought this new channel [Asia Plus]. They have [Kai Yun Wan Shi Tong], some Taiwan show that talks about star signs and other stuff. Cool man.
By the way, ya, Sex and the City is a really good show, do not be misled by the title, it is not just a 'shallow' plot with explicit contents. :)
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Ok, its a little too much
Haha. Reviewing my first post, I think its really too emo. So here I am, blogging about happier stuffs to 'neutralise' my blog.
Shasha's birthday! But because every one else blogged about it already. SO I'm not going to provide a chronological order of what we did and so on because you can always refer to the other blogs if you havent done so already. :) Therefore, its all about photos for today!!
Ktv @ OCBC
Big specs are really the 'IN' thing right now.
Junkai as [Fang da tong]
I'm always jealous of them because..
despite my efforts to look good in pictures, I always end up like this.
YY. She should be a superstar!
I make the best cards! Haha. Ok wanqing is Second. WHahaha..
Reminds me of [badloser.blogspot.com] Humph!
Now at Clarke Quay
Lengs and her fetish for hairs.. Yuck.
Erm.. ??
See the resemblence?
Omg! they look so compatible here! Dont you agree?!
Sometimes it gets a little tiring..
OKay! Thats it!
Haha... Took me a few hrs okay!! Tired.. shall go rest now..
Saturday, June 14, 2008
I'm sorry it turned out this way
It took me awhile to decide what my first post should be. Then I thought it should be of an issue that is closest to the heart. Somehow fate had a part in the decision making process as I happened to quarrel with my mum today. So this post is about family.
Family is the most important thing in my life among all the other important stuff such as friends and all that. (Yes, my friends are reading this. :x) I would gladly give up my life for theirs and I've never doubted this.
Since young, my elder sis was the trouble kid. She was always mixing around with the wrong company, doing stupid stunts and basically the rebellious one who makes everyone of us worried. My younger sis, on the other extreme, came out not quite as expected. Yes, as you all already know, intellectually disabled, to put it nicely. Like my elder sis she creates trouble too, although unintentionally. So at the back of my head, I've always told myself not to be an additional burden to the family, although it is not always appreciated. My parents often quarrel and I'm always trying to be a peacemaker between my dad and my mum, my sis and my mum, my dad and my sis. Yea, you get the gist. So I've had names like two headed snake, faker and all that. Crude remarks by family members arent the easiest to deal with. Sensitive I must admit I am, yet I think that sensitivity works its best when the issue is most important. Dont you agree?
So being the 'peacelover' aka [guai kia] of the family, the worst thing is negligence. Because I was never the main issue. That I didnt mind, but it did affect me a little when my parents do too much for my sister, when they had to accomodate her. In the family, I play the role of [The listener], always hearing what they have to say about each other, about work, etc. So I dont really have anyone to talk to at home. All I do is sit in front of the computer, admiring other peoples' lives.
Today, I quarrel with my mum over the silliest issue, university education. I was angry because it didnt seem to be about me, but all about her and reputation. Is it so important to introduce yourself as an NUS student? It hurts me more that she thinks she knows it all when she doesnt. The breaking point was when we talked about money. She told me what she wanted to get for my sis and my sister's boyfriend and I merely said " whoa, my birthday you also never give me that much" and blah.. that was it. My mum started comparing with the fact that I gave her a cheap massager whereas my sister gave her money. My sister's boyfriend gave her money as well. She cares about her more. I'm hot tempered and rude. I'm a bad daughter. My sister was right when she told her never to depend on me when she is old, and stuff like that. Initially, it didnt hurt me much. It was only when I started remembering the times I stood up for her and comparing it to the times she stood up for me did I start pitying myself, and that triggered the anger. So my day was ruined with me ignoring her. I was hurt, when after all I had done, nobody appreciates. I was sad, of all the times I spoke up for my sister, she told my mum to never depend on me. I was angry, that I try so hard to persuade my sis to not leave the house, that we should appreciate our parents for all they've done and what did I get in the end?!
But instead of anger, today was more of guilt. Because I quarrelled with my mother. Because today we were all supposed to celebrate father's day and I'm not there. Because I stubbornly stayed in the room despite my father's calls to 'give him face and go'. So I'm sad. It was never hate but hurt. Yet no one understands.
I have to confess though, that this only applies on a nuclear level. Extended family, I have to admit, I've never played a fillial role as a granddaughter. I will always remember the day I lost my grandfather. His love for me, recipocrated by my disgusting actions. To this date, it remains as a haunting memory that never fails to bring me down. My life is full of regrets, and this one is the worst.
Family is the most important thing in my life among all the other important stuff such as friends and all that. (Yes, my friends are reading this. :x) I would gladly give up my life for theirs and I've never doubted this.
Since young, my elder sis was the trouble kid. She was always mixing around with the wrong company, doing stupid stunts and basically the rebellious one who makes everyone of us worried. My younger sis, on the other extreme, came out not quite as expected. Yes, as you all already know, intellectually disabled, to put it nicely. Like my elder sis she creates trouble too, although unintentionally. So at the back of my head, I've always told myself not to be an additional burden to the family, although it is not always appreciated. My parents often quarrel and I'm always trying to be a peacemaker between my dad and my mum, my sis and my mum, my dad and my sis. Yea, you get the gist. So I've had names like two headed snake, faker and all that. Crude remarks by family members arent the easiest to deal with. Sensitive I must admit I am, yet I think that sensitivity works its best when the issue is most important. Dont you agree?
So being the 'peacelover' aka [guai kia] of the family, the worst thing is negligence. Because I was never the main issue. That I didnt mind, but it did affect me a little when my parents do too much for my sister, when they had to accomodate her. In the family, I play the role of [The listener], always hearing what they have to say about each other, about work, etc. So I dont really have anyone to talk to at home. All I do is sit in front of the computer, admiring other peoples' lives.
Today, I quarrel with my mum over the silliest issue, university education. I was angry because it didnt seem to be about me, but all about her and reputation. Is it so important to introduce yourself as an NUS student? It hurts me more that she thinks she knows it all when she doesnt. The breaking point was when we talked about money. She told me what she wanted to get for my sis and my sister's boyfriend and I merely said " whoa, my birthday you also never give me that much" and blah.. that was it. My mum started comparing with the fact that I gave her a cheap massager whereas my sister gave her money. My sister's boyfriend gave her money as well. She cares about her more. I'm hot tempered and rude. I'm a bad daughter. My sister was right when she told her never to depend on me when she is old, and stuff like that. Initially, it didnt hurt me much. It was only when I started remembering the times I stood up for her and comparing it to the times she stood up for me did I start pitying myself, and that triggered the anger. So my day was ruined with me ignoring her. I was hurt, when after all I had done, nobody appreciates. I was sad, of all the times I spoke up for my sister, she told my mum to never depend on me. I was angry, that I try so hard to persuade my sis to not leave the house, that we should appreciate our parents for all they've done and what did I get in the end?!
But instead of anger, today was more of guilt. Because I quarrelled with my mother. Because today we were all supposed to celebrate father's day and I'm not there. Because I stubbornly stayed in the room despite my father's calls to 'give him face and go'. So I'm sad. It was never hate but hurt. Yet no one understands.
I have to confess though, that this only applies on a nuclear level. Extended family, I have to admit, I've never played a fillial role as a granddaughter. I will always remember the day I lost my grandfather. His love for me, recipocrated by my disgusting actions. To this date, it remains as a haunting memory that never fails to bring me down. My life is full of regrets, and this one is the worst.
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